Lauren in Quarantine:
A JOURNAL ENTRY
On the 800th day of quarantine my own thoughts said to me, when the f**k are we getting out of this? I will note I am not in quarantine, self isolation just didn’t have the same ring to it. If it didn’t feel like an ulterior universe at the beginning of this, it sure does now. We are “officially” two weeks into self-isolation, social distancing, and various versions of quarantine. Words that were never part of our day to day vernacular, but ones that are now repeated over and over. You cannot escape from being told to social distance (even) more. I am in the fortunate position of having one sofa for me, one sofa for my husband and the dog can usually be found on the floor. We are a socially distancing throupple, at a required two meters apart.
By: Lauren Walker-Lee
Photo: Steph Martyniuk
The silver lining in all of this is that we have managed to find the humour in it. We have found the community and the express knowledge that we are all in this together, in the same place (at home, online) in sweatpants. What would Karl Lagerfeld (RIP) think? He famously said “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” The kaiser is turning in his grave at the sight of our quarantine couture and lack of any self-care routine. However, I am enjoying the non beauty bloggers showing us their skincare routines and attempting make-up tutorials. And a shout out to all the dad’s who are the cute victims of their daughter’s make-up artistry aspirations. This front row seat on Instagram is helping greatly, as I have cycled my way through Netflix and Hayu in equal measure.
But back to our new found community online. With this new found extra time we are seeing inside the lives of people we didn’t even want to see inside of. Mine included. Wow my dog sleeps a lot. There are people trying out baking, cleaning out their closets, getting glammed up for Friday night virtual cocktails, deciding if they will shower or not, and living out their pop star fantasies on Tik Tok. In a genius move my cousin living in Miami put a blow up pool on her balcony and is pretending to have bottle service.
In this uncertainty one thing is certain. The Meme game is strong out there, with quick wit going viral. They are battling the bad headlines for most shared content and just might be winning. The @thefatjewish is killing it as always. I love the one comparing the situation to life in Vegas, and “Climate Change needs to hire the Corona’s Virus’ publicist” was brilliant. On a very bright note the dogs are all thrilled we are home, and even animal shelters are doing well with so many people coming into foster away their loneliness. L.A. started drive – thru dog fostering, a move only L.A. could get away with, and I hear NYC has run out of dogs!
I personally have been alright, and quickly turned my frown upside down. As a person who suffers from FOMO and thinking everyone has great plans and funner extra-circulars, I quickly began singing a new tune when I realized I knew where everyone was. I found peace knowing we are all at home together, and there was nothing to miss out on. Rather more connected and more on the phone than ever before, my virtual diary is jammed. Face time tomorrow you ask? Let me check my schedule, yup I’m free! And whoever made that House Party app definitely deserves a prize, and Zoom deserves the medal of honour.
Plus, there are so many free things out there, it’s crazy what’s at our fingertips. And also crazy- there seems to be a lot of free money that has appeared liked magic. Where did the government dig up this money out of nowhere? Is there a rich aunt hiding somewhere, a genie with an unlimited ATM machine? But back to the free things, free museum tours, (I went to the Van Gogh Museum) free exercise classes, I signed up for Peloton, and free education. There’s a site with brilliant classes from Harvard, Yale and Stanford. But most notably you can watch the penguins visit their aquarium neighbours in Chicago.
I salute the the workers of the front lines and invaluable professionals who are often in the background. I tip my hat to my essential service The LCBO and am thankful for all the drinking memes Corona has provided (no pun intended) “going for my two week supply of booze for the third time this week.” We’re on spring break levels of acceptability and every image of a wine glass as a mask gets me every time.
2020 didn’t get off to a great start anyways, (remember Australia was on fire) and now it will be known as the Corona days, and will most likely result in a lot of Corona kids, 9 months from now. You could not write this stuff. Truly, it ticks all the right boxes of a Hollywood blockbuster. Tragedy, comedy, drama, and heartwarming PG-13 style touching through glass windows. We don’t know how this one ends yet but all we have to do is stay home to write a happy ending. To paraphrase the great words of the internet, “Our grandfathers were called to war, we have been called to sit on the couch” We got this!
See below links to free museum virtual tours;